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A Conservative Nerd

Posted by Arturick on Thursday, October 18, 2007 3:24:20 AM

I am a nerd.

I've been using my internet handle for years in Dungeons & Dragons, various video games, and all night sessions of Scrabble on Yahoo! Games.  My bookshelves alternate between Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, and people with swords and/or lasers.  If either Coulter or Malkin put out a book where they hold a sword on the cover, I'll buy five copies.

While I've managed to avoid some of the worst stereotypes of nerdiness, I find myself between the proverbial rock and hard place when trying to talk politics.  Nerds, to a large extent, seem to be rampaging communists.  Conservatives think I worship Satan.

Now, one would think that I could just talk to my fellow dorks about our shared interests and not interject politics, but I've found that the compulsion to leave religion and politics out of polite conversation only applies to conservative Christians.  Any suggestion that you might hold some regard for George Bush, God, America, or personal responsibility gets you assaulted faster than David Horowitz trying to get past college liberals armed with pie.  Adding insult to injury, the moderators of the Dungeons & Dragons forums I used to frequent would admonish me for bringing up the taboo subject of politics, but considered blatantly anti-American posts just fine.

Liberal Poster:  "So, I'm setting up a campaign where a beleaguered farming community is trying to resist oppression at the hands of a huge empire of evil humans.  Think something like the North Vietnamese resistance to the Americans..."

Me:  "Well, I'm sure they could strap some fantasy equivalent of a bomb to a child and send it running into a group of soldiers."

Liberal Poster:  "I'm looking for suggestions, not pro-American propaganda."

Moderator:  "Arturick, stop bringing up politics."

Another favorite of mine...

Liberal Poster:  "I'm running a game where, traditionally, the players are chasing after imaginary 'Communists' conjured up by the ruling political party.  I was thinking of changing it to terrorists, but would that be in bad taste?"

Me:  "Well, it's not in any more bad taste than to suggest that Communists were an imaginary threat, considering the tens, if not hundreds of millions of people they've killed."

Liberal Poster:  (I kid you not, this is a real quote.)  "Sounds like you've been reading Coulter and, worse, believing it."

Moderator:  "Arturick, stop bringing up politics."

A few fellow nerds have, after hearing my opinions regarding communism, stated that they live in mortal fear of what "people like me" would do to them and their families.  (Today, Randy Rhodes!  Tomorrow, the world!  Bwahahahah!)

Given that D&D is a game of clear moral divisions, religious zeal, and glamorizing the righteous application of force, I suppose the rampant, leftist nuttery stems less from the hobby itself and more from the fan base being young, inexperienced (*cough*virgins*cough*), and ignorant to the reality that Al Gore wants to take their computer and air-conditioner away.

 

So, one day I'll undoubtedly get myself a circle of crotchety old Republicans who like to roll funny dice, down a few beers, and talk about young, nubile, female conservatives.  Perhaps I'll even play with my kids one day.  Of course, they might not see the appeal of the game.   They'll be raised by me, after all, so they'll see the real world as a place where good and evil are clearly defined, God exists and lends strength to those who pray, and righteous men must ever be ready to face the darkness.

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Big Oil Hurt My Sense of Self

Posted by Arturick on Wednesday, October 17, 2007 2:20:59 PM
I never really liked debating the Iraq war.  Not being a professional military strategist, or having the head of the CIA on speed dial, I don't really feel qualified to argue the merits of any particular approach or battle in the Iraq conflict.  I've often wished that my liberal associates would take a similar stance, but apparently they were all five star generals in a past life.  Any time a soldier gets killed in Iraq, they hop on the soapbox and vaguely assert that this was a direct result of George Bush's stupidity.  In general, I just shrug and state my agreement with Tony Blair's statement, "at worst, we removed a terrible dictator from power."

Of course, since I live in Illinois, one of the states that should probably be quarantined to prevent the spread of "Bush Derangement Syndrome," my political opponents generally dismiss any such noble intention for the Iraq war and darkly intone vague accusations against the oil industry.  We're in Iraq, and now the oil industry is making record profits...  DUN DUN DUN!

Chris Matthews of "Hardball" claimed that, while he's "not a Marxist," he "saw the hand of money" in the Iraq war.  Hillary Clinton has effectively declared that the profits of the oil industry should be taken from them,  and presumably given to corrupt Washington bureaucrats.  Hillary also probably denies being a Marxist.

The price of oil has risen for a variety of reasons.  I don't particularly accept the idea that the Iraq war was sufficiently different from the crises that wracked the Middle East every single day before and after the invasion to account for a massive increase in the price of oil.  Before the war, the price jumped every time we heard about a particularly vicious suicide bombing.  Of course, back then the Democrats were quite supportive of both high prices and suicide bombing...  well...  some things never change.  But, the Democrats at least appeared to have a grasp of basic economics before the war.  John Kerry was quite enthusiastic over the idea of a 50 cent tax per gallon of gasoline because he's a Democrat and it's a tax, but also because the commensurate reduction in gasoline usage would be good for the environment.  But, since the price of gas rose and the extra money is going into the pockets of private citizens rather than some senatorial mistress who gets paid to hold a desk down, the increase is now a terrible strain on the economy with no environmental benefit.

A moronic bumper sticker vendor gave me a lengthy rant about how the common man was suffering under the price of gasoline.  I pointed John Kerry's tax out to him, and he began angrily (and incoherently) defending the tax before finally stomping away.  And George Bush is an idiot...

In another conversation, I had to listen to someone repeat the words "billions of dollars" as if it were some horrid indictment of the oil industry.  He couldn't actually say that the oil industry was doing anything illegal, or even unethical, but the fact that they were making billions of dollars...  it...  it just made him hurt inside, you know?  It's just not right.  I should have that money...  or some of that money...  just enough for a few hours at the local massage parlor...

One day the Democrats will realize that we're all after sex, not money, and they'll push to make women public property.

Seeing this debate rage across the country, I have decided to offer my experience and wisdom as the manager of a retail outlet to tell my fellow Americans how business works:

1.  The retail price of an item includes a profit margin.  This mark up from the cost is intended to cover the costs of running the facility that dispenses the product, including salaries, taxes, and utilities.

2.  The profit mark up is generally based on a percentage of the cost, so the profit per unit increases with the cost of the unit.  Increasing price carries the risk of reduced volume of sales, so the higher profit per sale is needed to keep the business viable.

3.  If demand for an item remains steady or increases while the cost of the item is increasing, then the company is in a position to make a record profit if it is able to meet the demand.  This is called "good business."

4.  Prices are not too high if you are still paying them.  If your gas consumption remains unchanged in the face of increased prices, then the price you pay is effectively the fair market value.

5.  If you cannot reduce your gas consumption, support the following alternatives:  Nuclear power (right now a lot of our electricity is from oil), domestic drilling (increased supply = lower cost), increased refining capacity (same reason), and buying less plastic crap (a lot of oil gets used to make plastic, so reduce the amount of frivolous, Chinese, plastic garbage you buy for yourself and your children).

Or, you could vote for the Democrats, because they're going to fix things...  or so they say...  since 1920 or so...  but one more election and poverty, racism, sexism, and those icky feelings you get about other people having a billion dollars will all go away!
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